So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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