When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
