I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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