he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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