I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
