You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
