So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
