Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
