Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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