whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
