I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
