You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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