Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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