Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
