i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
