ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
