I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
