new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
