I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
