Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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