I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
