My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
