So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
