I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
