You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
