please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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