oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
