That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
