The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
