david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
