they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
