Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
