anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
