i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I skipped work to stalk him.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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