I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
