So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
two words: eviction party
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
