We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
organizing the empties. That sober.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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