Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
