so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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