I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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