i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Drake has all the answers
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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