i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
