New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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