I must be too annoying 4 u.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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