More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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