I just gift wrapped bread.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
