i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Its about making memories worth repressing
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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