Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Randomize
