just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The power of my boobs compel you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
