STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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