hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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