He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
not ubering you a puppy
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
