About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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