It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
