Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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